your room smells of hookers.
And success
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
