Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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