i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
