dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
