Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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