I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
