just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
