He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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