but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
