I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
