If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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