well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
