i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
