Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
