Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
