Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
