I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize