If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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