Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
