No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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