Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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