ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
