i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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