I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
