Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
