Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
