So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
