I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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