the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
