wakey wakey hands off snakey
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
