It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize