i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
