My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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