have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
