Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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