I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
