i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My pussy is not your playground.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
