I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
