Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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