oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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