why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
