Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
