Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
