WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
