last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
