arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
