I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
