You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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