i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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