so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
