dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
