Having a random hookup so left but love u
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
