That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i out mim tonsoeep
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
