sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
