I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
