so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
