Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
