In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
