you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
