i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
