am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
