I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
