My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
