My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
