she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
