He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
