I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
