In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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