My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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