Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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