I'm going to jail i love you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
