brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
