how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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