I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
