We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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