I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
