my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
