college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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