Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let's get the cat blown out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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