i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
