does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
