and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
