My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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